BOMBS ARE FOR CHILDREN

Or so you might be lead to believe. [A picture of a woman named Sally working diligently at the bomb assembly plant, alongside her 3 children, Raytheon, Boeing, and G.E., putting in 16 hours each day. Bombs ensure peace, stability and the American Way of Life. It can be confusing in trying to determine who the real terrorists are sometimes, but a good indication usually is 1) the color of the skin of the individual in question 2) their occupation and how much money they make and, finally 3) the country of origin. If one is born in America one is most likely not a terrorist, however that is quickly changing (no thanks to any limp-wristed croissants on the other side of the Atlantic who be hating on freedom). Does your government support terrorism? Ours certainly doesn't! We set the standards for behavior around the world, spreading democracy ever since 1776. Just ask our friends, the Native Americans.]

NO: FACTORIES ARE FOR CHILDREN, BOMBS ARE FOR ADULTS

Bombs are not toys. Factories with bombs for adults are not playgrounds for kids. The roofs of factories for adults should be designed so that light travels inward but adults can not readily travel outward (this is common sense), while children remain separately confined. We try to emphasize that hopes and dreams have no place in the work-place, regardless of age, other than to aid in the commoditization of desire, but this too is common sense.

It may help to have the insides of non-bomb factories painted with zebras and giraffes, as long as attention is not too diverted from the work routine, however nature, being as it is-an undue nuisance at best - is to be avoided most of the time. Until we reach the final stage that toaster ovens can replicate themselves, we will be stuck carving out the world one young hand at a time. As we are quickly learning through science, opinion is just a minor inconvenience. And as one of my favorite sayings goes, if the mice are willing to play in the maze: let them eat cheese.

For now, let's keep children where they belong: inside factories, away from bombs and not blowing up buildings, which is always counter-intuitive to economic growth.