Financial News, Politics, and other Skullduggery

Financial News, Politics, And Other Skulduggery

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Vacation News


Every day, all over the world, from the South Pacific to Indonesia, they are building more luxury hotels with bath houses to put up fat rich white men that like to push around non-english speaking maids with their index fingers and throw peasant workers into cooking vats when their cream brulees are not up to snuff. In order to fund this ever-growing project, in what is already being dubbed Guantanamo Bay 2.0: Let's go to Hawaii or Somewhere Else Exotic, individuals of all different stripes, including home-grown terrorists, house-wives, hard-working dads and little would-be criminals ages 2 and up, are being rounded up and shipped over-seas for quality employment and luxury hotel expansion.

The government, too broke to pay for anything anymore, has decided it's had enough with its empty notions of freedom once and for all. From now on labor is a right and YOU can be taken away at any given time! So grab your sun tan lotion and earn an advance spot today. Thanks to climate change the beaches are really starting to heat up!


It is only to be expected that when the masses revolt through lack of reason, punishment shall be endured. That was the case when 1,000 grandmothers were arrested while crossing intersections in random places on suspicion of causing mischief and potential riot. Meanwhile, thank God the rich class--banker and CEO--are safe and their "entitlement" programs and "hand-outs" in tact. No one likes a sore loser, so get over yourselves people.

And now a message from our sponsors (who could not afford a full-length video commercial at this time because of the ever-sinking economy).

A sun-tan ad

A woman lounges on a chair by the pool.

"Golden skin, white teeth. Who needs common sense?" "I get my daily chemical allowance at least three times a day."

-----A beautiful white poodle dives into the pool after a tennis ball but can not swim. Pan toward random man's hard abs and crotch-----

"X-CENTUATE, the sun tan lotion for beautiful bodies. Now with Vitamins A and D"


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